Lions draft Nick Fairley, NFC North offenses pray for 10-year lockout

The Detroit Lions surprised a lot of people tonight by drafting Nick Fairley with the 13th pick in the NFL Draft. Surprising for two reasons: 1. The fact that Fairley was still around at No. 13; and 2. They already have a dominant defensive tackle.

But here's the thing, in a 4-3 defense, you play two defensive tackles, and now the Lions have the two most dominant defensive players in the last two college football seasons at those positions. This is a good thing. A very good thing. It's also a really fucking scary thing for opposing running backs and quarterbacks.

In honor of our new defensive vice overlord, here's a list of things I'd rather do than try to run the ball on Suh and Fairley:

- Watch the Royal Wedding

- Root for the San Jose Sharks

- Eat six-week old sushi

- Have dinner with Orly Taitz

- Try and stop a Zdeno Chara slapshot while not wearing a cup

- Take a trip to Egypt with Lara Logan

- Go to a Nickelback concert

- Stick my hand into a bag of glass shards before masturbating

- Vote for Sarah Palin

- Watch Chris Berman call highlights on a 24-hour loop

- Request the "Brian Engblom" next time I go to the barber

- Give Charles Barkley a rimjob

- Purchase Pistons season tickets

- Bang Snooki

- Give up scotch

- Be on this show

- Have unprotected sex with Tila Tequila

Did I miss anything?